it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
