I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
