no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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