No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
