In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
