Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
