she looked like the bat from fern gully.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
