He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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