I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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