Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
