you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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