I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
