There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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