Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
