Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Sober January is a disaster.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
