who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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