I wish I only lived at night.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
