dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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