i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
