Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
