In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
