the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
