I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I think my fart just growled at me.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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