Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
