$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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