I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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