My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
