i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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