there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
