She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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