Umm I'm too high to move.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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