Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
