So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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