I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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