awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
