I wish life had little blips of pornography
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
