chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
