another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
