the condom got lost in my hair
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
