wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Two words: blizzard sex
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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