Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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