You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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