Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
