he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
