too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
