Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
