If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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