Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize