Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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