He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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