"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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