Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
