Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
