dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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