I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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