hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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