I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
