Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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