Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
