I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
