I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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