maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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