when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
