If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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