First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize