Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
