You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
