Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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