I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Operation Purity has been aborted
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
