Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
