you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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