Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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