Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
