I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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