i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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