I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
