Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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