just tell him i said nine months
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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