i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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