That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i barfeds in our rink
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
