Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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