He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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