Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
