I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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