You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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