I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
