wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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