The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
