I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
