I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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