69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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