I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
