Need sex. Gaining weight.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
