"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
