Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize