Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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