A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
